The moment the first look dropped, you could smell what was coming — Coolie was bound to be another glossy, overhyped dud in Rajinikanth’s post-Kabali streak of mediocrity. Rajini fanboys went into a frenzy, flooding timelines with edits and posters, while on the other hand, Lokesh Kanagaraj’s name was tossed around like a magic seal of genius who is making a time travel film part of a meta pan-Indian cinematic universe and what not. But to be frank, Loki is no better than Atlee. Both of them have the skills to elevate a mass hero using their already existing star status.

In my view, Lokesh Kanagaraj has delivered only one truly terrific film — Maanagaram. And that too we’re beginning to wonder if it was really and solely his effort or was it someone else’s because he has not been able to recreate the same magic.

Cinephiles know that Kaithi is just a Tamil rehash of Assault on Precinct 13 that ended up as average at best. And everything that followed — Master, Vikram, Leo — were not just mediocre but simply bad films. Yes, you read that right. Master was nothing but a brainrot version of Kamal’s Nammavar. A History of Violence was butchered and messed up into Leo. Vikram is nothing more than a celluloid on cocaine rush. Once the frenzy wears off, you see it for what it is: just another overhyped star vehicle under Red Giant banner, one that conveniently chauffeured Kamal Haasan straight to the Rajya Sabha. If not for Anirudh’s adrenaline pumping music, all of them would’ve gone down the Cooum.

So, given the track-record of Rajini since 2016 and Loki’s underwhelming filmography, I had the least expectations from Coolie. Rajini is not the Rajini of his heydays. Lokesh is not the best director in K town. So, I wasn’t expecting a cinematic feast.

But is it too much to ask for these so-called best of the best to serve a simple Sambhar Saadham atleast?

As the saying goes, too many cooks spoil the broth. And that’s exactly what happened with Coolie. The promotions and hype packaged it as a grand pan-India spectacle bursting with big names — the cinematic equivalent of walking into a swanky, overhyped five-star restaurant, ordering their “signature spicy special” expecting an explosion of flavours… only to be served a cold, watery donkey’s diarrhea that the waiter — and Rajini fanatics — insist is gourmet.

Let’s call Coolie for what it really is – a hollow spectacle, shallow in substance, a mere façade of a film to launder the ill-gotten wealth of those in power.

But let’s not go there. Let’s stick to the film that has been presented to us. Even as a mass commercial entertainer, it raises more questions than it answers. This isn’t “mass” cinema. This is a shoddy, insincere, stitched-together patchwork of lazy writing, tied together by Rajini’s star persona which now feels more like a crutch than a strength.

Here’s what I want to ask the Rajini fans gushing about Coolie — acting like a Sun Pictures sleeper cell on a mission to brand it a “super duper hit”:

1. If for major part of the film, Rajini is someone who owns a mansion, he’s not a Coolie. He’s a mansion-owner, a businessman. Title e gaali!

2. Why hype up a luxury watch smuggling plot in the first place if you’re going to abandon it completely?

3. There’s another subplot of human organ trafficking and that’s also abandoned. Why even think of subplot when your main plot itself is dangling in the air?

4. How on earth does Sathyaraj jump from being a harbour coolie 30 years ago to suddenly becoming a ‘scientist-inventor’ who creates an electric chair for disposing bodies?

5. If Nagarjuna’s gang can kill people openly in front of thousands, why the hell do they need a secret cremation chair? Since, their business is in the port, wouldn’t the simpler thing to do have been to tie a rock to the body and drop it to the sea for fishes to eat?

6. Why on earth does Aamir Khan randomly start shooting people at the end? Wait, why does Aamir Khan even exist in this film?Matlab! Kuchi Bhi!

This is exactly why Aamir should actually read scripts before saying yes. Just because Rajini is in a film doesn’t mean that a serious filmmaker of his stature should stoop to committing to crap masquerading as cinema.

7. Sathyaraj gets killed by Soubin, who’s revealed as undercover police. Rajini, decides the logical thing to do is… continue burning bodies in chair with Shruti Haasan.

8. Rajini is brother-in-law of Satyaraj. Satyaraj disapproves of Rajni’s drinking habits. Rajini enforces a no-drinking rule in his mansion. Since Satyaraj is killed, Rajini takes this as a symbolic “permission” to drink Powerhouse again? Enna karumam da idhu!

9. Why is Rajini hiding coolies like Pokémon in a mansion?

10. How was Soubin caught by Nagarjuna as an undercover cop? How a Coolie like Rajini was so powerful? What’s the need to show Rajini cutting mutton in the beginning? How can a son of a smuggler and criminal become a customs official? Wouldn’t IRS not conduct a background check? We can keep going on and on but mudila!

Fine. You want to blow your money on a worthless script — your money, your choice, your stars. But why on earth drag a masterpiece like Breaking Bad into your trash fire? From ripping off the ‘I’m the Danger’ phrase, to shoving in the ‘Say My Name, You’re Goddamn Right’ line in Powerhouse song, to showing Mahesh Manjrekar like Hector Salamanca—except written by a Sun TV serial writer. This crime can never be forgiven. I think Vince Gilligan should sue everybody – Lokesh, Rajini, Sun Pictures for not just copyright infringement but for trampling his stellar work in the name of ‘inspiration’.

Now for the larger questions:

1. Considering you’ve locked Rajini into doing X number of films for you as part of a ‘deal’, and you claim you want to deliver Kollywood’s first ₹1000-crore blockbuster, who at Sun Pictures looked at this donkey’s diarrhea of a script and thought, ‘Yes, we hit the jackpot’.

2. In the pre-release interviews, Lokesh is described as a master story teller who is fabulous at narration. What did he narrate? How did he narrate? What story did he narrate?

3. For how long and how many more directors will keep milking Rajini’s stardom—rehashing stale nostalgia in songs and scenes, and dressing up a lazily written, poorly made fan-service vehicle as a ‘Superstar miracle’ for the blinded brigade to hail?

4. And how long will Rajini fans keep propping up every mediocre mess their demigod churns out—glorifying it as a ‘pure Rajini film’ or hailing it as some grand ‘Thalaivar Sambavam’?

And to the Rajini fans who’ll come charging at me for saying this—calm down. You can scream ‘Look at his style, bro! Look at his laugh, bro! Look at his mass, bro! The man is still mesmerizing at this age bro’ all you want, but don’t expect every average moviegoer to chant along when the film itself is trash. We’ll happily cheer all that if he at least stars in a halfway decent commercial entertainer. I’m not even asking your Thalaivar to give us another Baasha. Just give us something like Sivaji, Chandramukhi… hell, I’d even settle for a Lingaa.

Final Thoughts

Telugu cinema gave the world RRR, a global sensation. Pushpa and Baahubali organically became pan-India blockbusters. Kannada cinema stunned with KGF, Kantara, and now Hombale is creating a cinematic universe with Vishnu’s Dashavataram with the animated film Mahavataram Narasimha becoming a runaway hit and doing big business across India.

And what does Tamil cinema have to show? An endless parade of zombies screaming “Rajini, Rajini, Rajini” or “Vijay, Vijay, Vijay,”.

The harsh truth is this: Tamil cinema, once a trailblazer of pan-India hits, has not been able to produce even one oflate because its biggest stars and directors are trapped in the cycle of churning out mindless fan-service for Rajini, Kamal, Vijay, or Ajith, instead of daring to create stories with vision and universal appeal.

The industry keeps feeding this cult of stardom, and the zombies keep lapping up every bit of garbage as long as it has their idol’s sticker on it. The moment someone points out the rot, it’s instantly brushed off as ‘hate’ or rival fan noise. And so Tamil cinema stays stuck in this toxic loop—stars too scared to take risks, fans too blind to accept flaws—while other film industries march ahead with stories that are conquering the world.

Kaushik is a writer and filmbuff.

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