“The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change” – Carl Rogers, American psychologist
We all have lived our lives close to the fire escape – sometimes we go down and return, ready to face the fire again, other times we live under the reassurance that it exists. We drown out the noise in our life with more noise – television, mobiles you name it. We avoid the subliminal realities of life, the chinks in our armour that make us uncomfortable. Unless it blows up into something big or something forces us to have a deeper look.
So when the Coronavirus hit, and the lockdown ensued, I was fearful and anxious. I resisted status quo with deep conviction — this was not how it was supposed to happen, I had life all planned out, didn’t I? I frantically searched for my fire escape, but there was none. It was absolute, all pervasive.
Identify, Observe, Accept
In her book, Radical Acceptance, American psychologist Dr. Tara Brach says acceptance is “clearly recognizing that we are feeling in the present moment and regarding that experience with compassion”.
On one such day, out of sheer frustration, my mind refused to take any more stress. This forced me to think about identifying what it was exactly that was tormenting me. As I found instances that led to the feeling of helplessness, I began to trace the threads that led to the cause. Through this process, I also realized that we are, indeed, lucky if we even manage to identify all that perturbs us. But it is the biggest favour you can do yourself — instead of escaping it, resisting it, or pretending it doesn’t exist.
Once I got to the root of it, I observed without judgement. The realization is quite powerful and the underlying reasons equally so. And then you accept it for what it is, for it is the reality you are currently in. This process gives you the strength to move ahead in life and make sustainable choices.
How is your inner judge doing?
I remember reading a post on LinkedIn during the early days of the lockdown, a top professional at a consulting company had written about how if you didn’t emerge out of the lockdown with your skills enhanced, your reading up-to-date, magically becoming a linguist and a musician while you’re at it, you were solely responsible for this “wasted time”. This man was riding a FOMO Ferrari; there was no genuineness, no space for natural curiosity.
But it happens to the best of us. We have a relentless inner judge who is constantly on the job and is often merciless. While some would say that it drives us and makes us highly functional, we should be mindful of choosing to pause, reflect and be a bit kind to ourselves. It is ok to run or walk but in the spirit of growth.
Has anything changed?
Yes and no. Circumstances are still the same. We are still under a lockdown as I write this. But as you go ahead, try to emerge out of all the lamenting, imagining the what-ifs and fixating on negativity. Instead, do whatever it takes to observe, accept and gently approach the niggles that you carry around.
And become a linguist/musician while you’re at it – why not?