Feature image concept credits: OpIndia
A clip from self-proclaimed stand-up comedian Daniel Fernandes was making the rounds on Twitter. The comic had himself chosen a triggering few minutes of video to share on the platform in the hope that it would go “viral”.
To write an opinion piece that does not judge him just for those 2 minutes of nonsense, I compelled myself to sit through 1.39 hrs of his latest self-produced video Alive and Vaccinated, where he has digested the anti-Hindu vomit from various sources and regurgitated on stage as ‘humour’.
Typical Hindumisic Christian Zealot
The show starts with a comparison of the caste system prevalent in India to apartheid and slavery and that owing to his Catholic background, he did not understand the caste system. It is a pity that he doesn’t realise that such a system is prevalent in his own community, just because he chose to ignore it and not learn about it, he feels it does not make a difference. Oh yes, ignorance is bliss, be like the ostrich and cover your head in the sand and ignore your community’s fallacies.
And it isn’t just about the caste-system which got carried itself when people got converted from the native religion. Christianity itself has so many division and sects despite the evangelists claiming it to be a religion of love and equality. The Roman Catholics don’t consider Protestant legitimate and vice versa. Both of them don’t consider pentecostal legitimate. But yes, Daniel will not talk about the mess in his own house because, the evangelist in him doesn’t let him do that.
As he tries to get a few laughs, he does say one thing right – ‘comedians talked all kinds of shit over all these years’. Oh yes, you guys did.
Then the part that was making the rounds on Twitter starts playing and takes a dig at how people call Christian converts “rice bags” (which he calls a religious slur). Here are the lines he spoke, verbatim:
“Now, apparently a lot of people in this country are convinced that hundreds of years ago, everybody in India belonged to one religion. I’m not going to say which one. Apparently, it is the one that’s in danger. They are convinced that everybody belonged to this religion. And then Christian missionaries showed up to India and some people left this religion and joined Christianity, allegedly in exchange for bags of rice.”
His explanation of conversion for a few bags of rice is below the belt and insulting while also taking a dig at Hindu customs and values, highlighting the presence of patriarchy in the Hindu way of life.
Here’s what he says:
“I’ll explain. Okay. Now, sir, just hypothetically if your mom left your dad for a few bags of rice, who would you ask questions if? Your mom? Or your dad? I mean, what kind of an asshole was your father? How was he treating her? What was he saying to her?
“No, you can’t eat at the same table as me” “You can’t drink the same water as needed” “No, you can’t enter the temple when you’re on your period”
I’m saying hypothetically, how did your dad treat your mom? Where all it took for her to leave him was the promise of biryani.”
He seems to be totally unaware of our history and how even he turned out to be a Christian – was he thinking he descended directly from Jesus? His ancestors probably went whimpering and got converted not having the conviction to remain rooted in their native faith, during the Portuguese inquisition of Goa.
Pandemic Jokes With a Disgusting Aftertaste
In the next segment he makes fun of all those cries for help during the 2nd wave of the pandemic. Apparently he claims to have asked people’s voting choice before amplifying their requests for help.
Then he goes on to explain how he handled requests for amplifying during the 2nd wave
“But I also have an obligation to my own followers. I can’t blindly share anything that comes into my inbox. I have to verify the information, right? So, whenever I receive these messages asking for help saying I need such and such thing, I will reply and ask them, “Who did you vote for?”
And if they said, “Not chai”, I would share the message. But if they said they voted for chai, I would block them! That seems fair, right?”
This, he thinks, is intelligent comedy and all for a few likes and shares. Making fun of people struggling during the pandemic, just because they voted for “chai”, according to him?
So is the evangelist genius saying people deserved to be struggling for oxygen cylinders and beds just because they voted for Modi?
Whether or not how he handled these requests is true, it does reflect a lot on the pathetic mindset of not only this comic, it also reflects on the current crop of so-called stand-up comics.
He doesn’t stop there, he then tries to take a dig at “Mandir Wahi Banega” using the same pandemic “joke”
“I told my friend I did this, and he was like “Bro, this is exactly what the hospitals should’ve done!”
He’s like, Yeah yeah just think, you have COVID, you go to the hospital, “Yeah, hi I have Covid.
I need an ICU bed” “Who did you vote for?” “Not chai”
“Come, come, come! Right, this way. We have an ICU bed for you. Come, come! There’s air conditioning, there’s Netflix, there’s Wi-Fi.
Come come Acche din idhar hai!” (Good days are here!)
“Next!”
“Yeah, I have COVID. I need an ICU bed.”
“Who did you vote for?”
“Chai”
“Aap wahan jaaiye” (Please move over there)
“Kyun” (Why?)
“Kyunki Hospital wahin Banega” (Because that’s where the Hospital will be built)
A Man With A Sick Mindset
His list of issues with the current dispensation’s way of handling the pandemic seemed never-ending. He had a problem with the “old people will be vaccinated first” rule that the Central government brought out in 2021. He found it annoying that he had to wait. Doesn’t he understand the basic fact that the vulnerable are to be vaccinated first?
Here is a transcript of the next few minutes displaying a pure leftist mindset, where he asks the audience to look at parents as humans who “fucked you up when you were children” and remove them from the pedestal that society placed them on.
“All of us wanted the vaccine, but did we get the vaccine when we wanted it? No!
We had to wait. Not because there was a shortage. No, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no, no. We had to wait because they decided to vaccinate old people first.
And I was like, “Why the fuck are we vaccinating old people first? They’ve already lived life. What plans do they have now? Woodstock was a long time ago!” Now I can tell a lot if you enjoyed that joke but you were holding back. Because when I said, “old people”, you started thinking about your parents. Am I right?
Which is fair. Which is fair. That’s a nice feeling, isn’t it? Thinking about your parents. It’s a warm, loving feeling. It’s a very nice place to go. But for a brief moment, I would like to encourage you to take your parents off that pedestal that society has asked you to place them on and look at them as human beings. Some of who have fucked you up when you were children! Let’s open that door!
We have to acknowledge a few ugly truths. We have to acknowledge the fact that we were raised by a generation that knew far too little, but pretended to know it all, am I right? Yeah, we have to acknowledge the trauma that they have caused us. Years of different kinds of abuse that they today pretend never happened!
Nothing you did was good enough, they still don’t trust you to make your own decisions, and all your success at work counts for jack shit”
It seems the Daniel guy wanted to vent out all his frustration that he had bottled up all these years against Hinduism, values, principles, and the Modi government, and vomitted all of them in one single show. And it isn’t even comical or original. Looks like he thought this would be his magnum opus after the pandemic but it has ended up as a magnum poopus.
He also went on to blame the generation of our parents for causing trauma, being abusive, being patriarchal, and that they knew nothing but pretended to know it all. He also said that living with parents was a sign of someone who had no ambition.
The rest of the show was all about vulgar jokes about different body parts which is the usual fare among people like Kunal Kamra, Atul Khatri, Kenny Sebastian – the type of jokes is repetitive, unfunny, and distasteful to say the least. The audience’s laughter also seemed orchestrated in many parts. Do all these standup comics include such below-the-belt type of “jokes” for their 15 minutes of fame?
Who Is Woke?
Somewhere an hour into the video, he speaks about the “woke community”, without realizing that he is talking about him and his ilk! He thinks he was describing the woke community when in fact he was describing himself! The condescending tone with which he spoke about the PM and the pandemic, are examples.
“But the manner in which they speak to you, the tone, the choice of words, the condescension, the self-righteousness, makes you want to stab a kitten!“
It is sad that no one showed him the mirror and said, but this is exactly what you are and how you behave, you woke evangelist bigot!